Seen in more public restrooms than I want to count

Germans get just a little too excited in the bar, I guess.  On the bright side, this is a good way to prevent needing to use this machine.

This is a real Facebook conversation we had

Me: German Bureaucracy is like herpes.  It's ubiquitous in society, shows up in the least expected places, and just when you think you're about to have a break, it flares up again.


American: Is it worse than U.S. Bureaucracy?

Mooter:  If you want to know the answer to the question, you can come to our office on Mon or Wed from 9am-10am and make an appointment to have a meeting with us sometime in 3 weeks.  We can then discuss what could possibly be done to answer this question.  Of course, that is assuming you bring the necessary documentation (both what we tell you to bring and what you must intuitively know you need.)

What should we call me

when I think about opening the windows to let in frische Luft (fresh air)

when I actually open the windows to let in frische Luft

File under #germanyproblems

Timeliness is next to Godliness

You know you've been in Germany too long when...

the tram comes three minutes late and it throws off your whole day.

And Americans think smart cars are tiny

Photos courtesy of my new ipod allowing me to discreetly photograph people.

Lies my German Teacher Told Me

I demand those 2 points I lost on my 3rd semester German final back.  

Story of my Life in Heidelberg

Why can't we have a cool-sounding local accent like Bayern or something? 

So I finally brought all these to the grocery store yesterday

Shit Germans Say Part 2

"I heard American women have a lot of problems with PMS.... WAIT WAIT WAIT, that's not what I meant.  I don't know what I meant...."

Shit Germans Say

Coworker: "So what did you do with the Serviette?  ...you know, the diapers!"
Me: ?????????
Coworker: "Oh I meant napkins!  What did you do with the napkins??


Unfortunately this is still less embarrassing than when I said Scheide when I meant to be talking about Pilz.

The Plight of the American Expat

This is probably a universal expierence, although I've found that a simple "Woah woah woah, I voted for Obama" convinces a large chunk of Germans to get off my back. 

Seen in Berlin

Pregnant?
"Maybe Baby" pocket pregnancy test-- buy it here in this vending machine!
Over 99% reliable.

For the times you forgot to buy your pocket contraception from this vending machine.
Or maybe, baby, it wasn't 99% reliable.

Seen in Munich

I never really thought that violence against women was a first world problem....

I don't even know where to begin with this one....

Wir können alles schaffen genau wie die tollen 

dressierten Affen wir müssen nur wollen 

Things I never wanted to see on tv:

a 74 year-old woman in a leotard doing the splits.

Or more old guys in speedos.

But I did, thanks to ZDF's presentation of "How Old Are You Really?", a show that finally answers the question that's been keeping all of us awake at night: who would win a physical fitness competition between three lazy, chain-smoking twenty-somethings and three freakishly fit senior citizens?

ZDF. Mit dem Zweiten sieht man mehr als man will.